If your project is so screwed you're considering diverting your plane to Cuba, then there may be no solution for you.
Does your wife work?
You could go to Mexico and work in the sugar fields. Or stay and excel in any number of food services positions. Just don't tell your client what you did. You could be brought up on charges of larceny. Hehe. :)
Project Manager: Some turd charged a thousand hours on a one week task. Now the client wants me in Dallas.
Passenger: That’s larceny, you’re toast.
Project Manager: Another employee took a sick day and came back 10 weeks later with a tan.
Passenger: Does your wife work?
Project Manager: My project is 16 weeks overdue.
Passenger: I have a razor blade.
Project Manager: Nobody knows what they’re doing. So I cut everyone’s pay until they shape up! The office is on suicide watch.
Passenger: Ditch the client; fly to Mexico.
Project Manager: Do you know of any tools I could use?
Passenger: A meat cleaver?
Project Manager: I am so screwed! I need a solution.
Passenger: Cyanide and coke.
Project Manager: Seriously. The client wants my answer tomorrow.
Passenger: Everybody I know uses Standard Time® for their projects. But yours looks like a dog and monkey act. Do you have a freak show to go with that?
Project Manager: What is Standard Time?
Passenger: If you don’t know by now, update your resume. Highlight your food service experience.
Project Manager: Seriously. Will it work?
Passenger: In your case only a zombie apocalypse could save you!
Project Manager: Could I divert this plane to Cuba?
Passenger: Listen, dude. Got a smartphone? Download the Standard Time time tracking app off the app store. It will get you out of trouble. Look for Scoutwest, Inc.
Project Manager: Yeah?
Passenger: Or get Standard Time off their website. www.stdtime.com Once the client figures out you have half a brain you won’t have to take your own life.
Project Manager: www.stdtime.com
Passenger: It’s either that or shave your head and dance for tips in the subway.